Found Poem

I am cleaning off my desk this morning and I found this poem I wrote last year. It's a sentiment I still feel truly and deeply, and although it's not much of a poem, it's a useful mantra for when I start letting the world in too much. And really, I post it more to have an electronic copy than for any desire for anyone to read it. Really. My poetry... isn't.

My life has been knee-jerk
automatic responses to
questions I was capable of thinking through
myself

Pavlov's dog of a decision-maker
¿Was it the chicken of self-doubt
or the egg of overwhelmedness
that came first?

I can think
I can decide
I can take time
--keep time
--live outside time, even
I don't have to pressure myself
I can do it
I can think
I can live a better way

(written February 1 2007)

The stupidest word ever

naif \nah-EEF; ny-\, adjective:

1. Naive.
2. A naive or inexperienced person.

Uh... Why not just say NAIVE? Oh, wait. Maybe there is an interesting etymology, lest I judge too quickly.

Naif comes from French, from Old French naif, "naive, natural, just born," from Latin nativus, "native, rustic," literally "born, inborn, natural," from Latin nativus, "inborn, produced by birth," from natus, past participle of nasci, "to be born."

Hmm. That's pretty retarded too. Then, the "in-context" examples that WordDictionary.com gave for this word used it as a NOUN, even though that usage doesn't match the definition given.

Argh. Is it so much to ask for an effing word a day? Alls I wanna do is learn, y'all.

Is this foreboding?

Horoscope du jour:

When we have found our path, we naturally want to start to walk down it, Clare. The reverse isn't true despite what you seem to believe. It is quite futile to learn how to walk when you don't know which path to walk upon. This may seem a little obtuse to you and yet it is true. It is desire that creates aptitude and not the reverse.

Is this ominous? Does it portend failure in my nascent Spanish graduate student career? Argh. This little paragraph gives words to my ongoing problem with Spanish: it is not Spanish itself which gives me fulfillment. It is not the culture, or the language, which thrills me and compels me to learn. Rather, it is what doors the knowledge of Spanish opens for me which inspire my desire to learn more; it is the ability to travel, to communicate, and the love of language itself which interests me. Which is why I worry about this whole graduate program business. Everyone is already asking, "What are you going to do with your MA in Spanish?" and my answer is, "I don't know, but I know it won't be the groundwork for a higher degree in Spanish." I don't want to teach Spanish as a career, although I do enjoy the academic life.

All I know is, I am looking forward to the opportunity to work at the University, build some professional experience, and attain a graduate degree. That's why I'm doing what I'm doing. I am loyal, and smart, and I learn quickly. I know I am equal to the task... yet I wonder if what I will learn will have more to do with intra-departmental politics, university machinations, and how to teach introductory classes, than anything about Spanish language or Latino culture which will inspire desire in me. I go with an open mind, but my horoscope says that's not enough. Aptitude can never create desire, eh? Well, we'll see. And even if the MA program doesn't create desire for Spanish in me, at least it will help me choose a next step for my life. And in the meantime, my aptitude will introduce the opportunity to learn, my drive to succeed will concrete the attainment of my goals... even if my aptitude for Spanish will not inspire passion for it by itself.

Toilet Water in exchange for nonviolence

Y'all, I know the theme of this blog is not Palestine, but I really feel the need to do what little I can to disseminate information about Bil'in in order to raise it's profile in the general consciousness. I figure if you keep reading, maybe you'll remember Bil'in's nonviolent methods the next time you hear someone rail about "crazy Palestinians," and you'll say, "But what about Bil'in? What about Nil'in? What about Qalqilya and Bethlehem?"

So with that in mind, please read this update from the people of Bil'in:

Toilet water – the new kind of weapon used against the people from Bil’in
Bil’in’s Protest 8/08/08
Today, 8 August 2008, after the Friday Prayers, the inhabitants of Bil’in, Israeli, and international peace activists participated in a demonstration against the wall. They raised Palestinian flags and signs with slogans that condemn the policies of the occupation. The slogans condemned the construction of the wall, the confiscation of Palestinian lands for the construction of settlements, the road closures, and the seizure of Palestinian villages, towns, and cities. The protesters also carried signs with slogans against the killing of innocent civilians, especially children. In addition, the slogans condemned the attacks on detainees, in particular, shooting at them while detained, hand cuffed and blindfolded.

The protest started from the centre of the village, and the protesters chanted similar slogans in addition to those that called for national unity. Upon arrival to the wall, the protesters while raising photos of the murdered children, Ahmed Husam Yousef Musa and Yousef Ahmed Amera, attempted to cross the wall in to their land. The action was a symbol of protest against the monstrous violations that Israeli soldiers commit against Palestinian civilians. Israeli soldiers murdered Ahmed 10 days ago, 29 July 2008, and Yousef 3 days ago, 4 August 2008 - both while participating in non-violent protests against the construction of the segregation wall in Ni’lin.

Today, the protesters succeeded to arrive at the location of the wall, and they repeated chants and slogans against the occupation soldiers and their officers that command them to shoot unarmed civilians. Soon after, confrontations started, the soldiers started firing tear gas, and sprayed us with toilet water. We would like to take a sample for analysis. Many people immediately had to be sick after being sprayed with this water. This is not the first time they use water, but this time was the first that they used water from the toilets. In addition to the water, the soldiers use many types of weapons on the Palestinians. For example they use many types of gas, many types of rubber bullets, clean water, water mixed with gas, scream, saltball, sackbeans. All of these are new weapons.

From a different point, the Israeli Supreme Court gave 45 days (52 as of today) to the Israeli army to correct the current track of the segregation wall that passes through the village. Israeli Chief Justice, Dorit Beinisch, and two of her fellow colleagues, condemned the Israeli government’s neglictance of the Supreme Court’s ruling last year, which ordered the correction of the current track of the wall.

Chief Justice Beinisch confirmed to the Israeli government representative, Avi Lisht, her ruling to correct the track of the wall and added; “we ruled that the current track cannot sustain as it does now.”

The people of Bil’in submitted a petition to the Israeli Supreme Court in 2005, hoping to prevent the Israeli occupation army from confiscating their lands. The confiscated lands would be used to build the segregation wall and further annex the remaining of the land in favor of constructing the illegal settlement, ‘East Metateaho’.

On July 2007, the Israeli Supreme Court decreed the illegitimacy of constructing the wall on Bil’in’s lands, and further ordered the government to propose a different track of the wall without harming the nature of the village. A year after the ruling, and because the Israeli government did not act in accordance with the ruling, the people of Bil’in through their advocate, Mikhael Sfard, decided to return to the Supreme Court. The Israeli government further continues the same policy without acknowledging the Supreme Courts ruling.

from Friends of Freedom and Justice: Bil'in

Shiva to Vishnu

Don't be surprised if you develop a yearning to redecorate. The celestial energies have put you in the mood to dress your house up a bit. Take care not to go overboard, Clare. You have a tendency to turn little projects into big ones. For now, content yourself with buying some flowering plants and perhaps some new area rugs and throw pillows. Leave the kitchen and bath renovation for later.

Sometimes one's horoscope is just spot on, you know? In some ways, this has sort of been true of my entire summer. For several reasons, the stars aligned in such a way as to make this summer one of homesteading for me. I've had little desire to venture off my grounds, excited instead to improve upon the kingdom I have at home. I have been ripping up the carpeting in my house, room by room, over the summer, revealing beautiful hardwood floors underneath. I've been going through files, reorganizing and culling obsolete information. I've reviewed all the books, clothes and CDs in the house, rearranging, weeding through, and uploading each respective group of things. I've begun a garden. Throughout the summer I've weeded, dismantled, swept out, scrubbed, straightened, thrown away and just generally pondered all the material things in my life. And it feels good to sort through everything, judge something worthy or not to continue to be taken care of, and feel like I'm getting things in order.

In order for what, though? Who really knows, but... the next big project, one supposes. That is to say, GRADUATE SCHOOL. I'm looking forward to it quite a lot, and I'm beginning to get excited and nervous for real. But today, I content myself with cleaning in the basement a little bit and doing some laundry. The carpet project will wait for another day, Horoscope--I promise. Gotta wait for my body to feel better, for one thing! Threw my back and knee out last week. C'est la vie of a domestic goddess.

Yesterday in the West Bank

A Palestinian teenager, thought to be aged between 18 and 19 has been shot in the head by Israeli forces in the Palestinian village of Ni'lin Last week. He has now been declared dead at the Ramallah hospital. (Source: Friends of Freedom and Justice: Bil'in)

This is a good time to mention the large disparity in reporting deaths in Israel/Palestine. The media to which we are chiefly exposed in the United States covers Israeli deaths disproportionately more than Palestinian deaths. This is historically true and certainly has remained so since the beginning of the Second Intifada (September 2000, also known as the Al-Aqsa Intifada). As of April this year (I haven't updated my stats since then), at least 4, 537 Palestinians have been killed by Israeli soldiers and settlers; in contrast, 473 Israelis have been killed. In other words, since September 2000, Israelis have killed 10 times more Palestinians than vice versa (source: B'T Selem, an Israeli human rights organization).

This immense loss of life in the region is only made worse through the biased coverage given to it by American media. I dare to venture that most people who might read this blog are surprised at these numbers, given that Palestinians are characterized as gun toting, bomb throwing, suicidal fanatics who murder Israelis constantly and who force Israel to "retaliate" and "secure" themselves. It is a sad day when we lack so much truth.

Photo: courtesy Poetry for Palestine