the best word i've heard lately

fike, n.2
(from the OED SECOND EDITION 1989)

Sc.
(fak) Also 7-9 fyke. [f. FIKE v.1]

1. Something that causes one to fidget; esp. the itch. Also, the fikes = the fidgets. Obs.
In first quot. possibly a different word; ? the piles. Cf. FICUS.

a1605 MONTGOMERIE Flyting 313 The frencie, the fluxes, the fyke and the felt. 1736 RAMSAY Sc. Prov. (1750) xliii. 87 Ye have gotten the fikes in your arse or a waft clew. a1758 RAMSAY Address of Thanks xxii, A Briton..as his fancy takes the fykes, May preach or print his notions. 17.. LADY DALRYMPLE in Lives of Lindsays (1849) II. 322 Your mother's cold was another of my fykes.
b. A restless movement.

1790 MACAULAY To Cheerfulness Poems 129 No ane gies e'er a fidge or fyke Or yet a moan.
2. Anxiety about what is trifling, fuss, trouble.

1719 HAMILTON 2nd Epist. to Ramsay i, O sic a fike and sic a fistle I had about it! 1790 BURNS Tam o'Shanter 193 As bees bizz out wi' angry fyke. 1808 E. HAMILTON Cottagers of Glenburnie 169, I dinna fash wi' sae mony fykes. 1827 SCOTT Surg. Dau. ii, Have I been taking a' this fyke about a Jew.
3. Dalliance, flirtation.

1808-80 JAMIESON, ‘He held a great fike wi' her.’ 1810 J. COCK Simple Strains 144 (Jam.) They had a fyk thegither.