Agotada

AGOTADO, AGOTADA, adj: exhausted. The base of 'agotada' is 'gota,' which means 'drop,' like drop of liquid. So 'agotada' kind of implies something in English like being 'completely squeezed dry,' or being 'down to the last drop,' or 'not one drop left.'

Well, this word is the picture perfect description of me today. I have written about 40 pages of final papers in the last 70 hours. I had another 12-15 page paper due today along with an annotated bibliography. I didn't manage to finish either, so I guess they'll just be late. Poo. I am frustrated with myself, but mostly I just want a break. So I'm taking that break now and posting another tarot card, which amuses me and makes me happy.

Judgment is the 21st card in the major Arcana, and represents Assessment, Acceptance and Harsh Criticism. "The time has come to weigh the facts--and yourself! Judgment is about abandoning bad habits and accepting yourself for who you really are. Don't be modest; take credit for all your good deeds and valuable traits. Shed the negative thoughts that weigh you down with their high-calorie burdens. True happiness is more about eliminating low self-esteem than losing those pesky five pounds."

Take that, bully.

http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF024AD-Nice_T_Shirt.jpg#94

Ha! The underdog always wins in the end. Brute force will be met with magic and cosmic consequences!

Pretty much the best thing ever

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Death is the 14th card of the Major Arcana and represents An Unavoidable Ending, Loss and Necessary Change. "Something is rotten. The expiration date has passed and the food has spoiled! You may be reluctant to throw it away, and you may try to convince yourself that a little mold never hurt anyone, but only a fool [haha] would dare eat food riddled with botulism. No matter how many preservatives are added, everything eventually goes stale. The Death card may seem grim, but its message is a positive one: This ending is necessary to make a fresh beginning and a tastier future."

I must first give a special nod to my friend, Will, who is horribly repulsed by mayonnaise. I of course immediately thought of him when I first set eyes on the Housewives' Tarot interpretation of the Death card. (I then thought of the movie Undercover Brother, in which there are many jokes about how white people love mayonnaise and put it on everything, whereas black people would almost rather die than eat it.)

Anyway, this card is especially apropos for me today as I struggle to understand and be understood by those most dear to me and change my way of thinking and acting. It is also appropriate because the semester is winding down; I'm preparing to write my last papers and take the last tests. I am glad to be ending the semester, but wistfully, because I have learned so much this semester and have been so stimulated. Furthermore, I am stepping down from my post as President of Honors Student Council and taking a backseat in the leadership car for next year's council. While I am glad to have much of the responsibility handed on to someone else, I have been reflecting on all that we've managed to do this year, in our fledgling year as a council. I am proud of all the things we've done; I think we've built a good foundation to expand upon next year, and I for one have certainly learned a LOT--what to do as well as what to avoid doing. And I'll continue learning.

So. I guess I should go study for my Biological Anthropology test now. Thanks for reading.

My metaphysical (and material) SONG of the Day: "By My Rocket Comes Fire" by Nick Harper

Horoscope, you sly dog!

"You may get caught up in some family conflicts that you have no desire to deal with, Clare. And you may even feel like yelling at other people in order to get rid of all the excess stress, and get yourself out of this situation. But be careful not too overlook the hidden benefits of this day. There may be a kind of treasure in there somewhere. Instead of getting angry, open your eyes!"

Once again, my horoscope is ever so accurate. And I am taking the advice and opening my eyes. Today, every time I begin to feel angry or resentful, I am going to stop and think, "How can I be more understanding?" This is helping me to be less stressed. I am taking inventory right now and trying to get to the root of my bad feelings. I'm discovering that most of them are smoke and mirrors. I need to get outside myself a little and take in some different perspective. I feel I am turning a corner to a better me.

White Devils! (opposite of Black Madonnas)

The Devil is the 16th card of the Major Arcana. It represents Temptation, Vice and Self-Desruction. "The modern convenience of TV dinners, instant coffee crystals, and processed cheese in a can. The sinful satisfaction of martinis, cigarettes, and devil's food cake with rich, creamy frosting. Oh, how the Devil inside us loves seemingly simple solutions and indulgent luxuries! It's not good to repress these tempations entirely, but take great care not to let such vices rule your life. Succumbing to your dark side too often will surely bring about your downfall."

This card seems sort of like the calling card of the United States of America. Like, every time the USA introduces itself to another country, it hands out Death. While shaking hands: "Pleased to meet you; and here's my card." BAM! Simplistic and near-sighted 'solutions'! In fact, maybe a surplus of the Death card is the Western-colonial disease in general. Too much 'convenience,' too much pleasure, too much ease. We want for nothing and so we are GOING DOWN.

Oh and by the way, instant coffee was invented in 1929--so it's not that new. Really.

Blue October-Into the Ocean

A great song that Thomas introduced me to.

Black Madonna Syrup

The High Priestess is the fifth card of the Major Arcana and represents Mystery, Secrets and Magic. "Contained deep within her supernatural syrup are the psychic powers and mysterious knowledge of the universe. When no one else is watching, she may choose to whisper some secrets to you one morning at the breakfast table. Then again, she may not. She often speaks in riddles; don't expect her to spoon-feed you the answer. The High Priestess has a dual nature--evil and good--and is available in both dark, thick, rich Original and diet-friendly reduced-calorie Lite." Haha.

I think this is one of the best images in the whole Housewives' Deck--and there are many really good ones. While the portrayal of the High Priestess as Aunt Jemima syrup is humorous, it also, I think, speaks to us on a deeper, collective-unconscious level. That is to say, I think that the image of the High Priestess as Aunt Jemima syrup is reminiscent of the Black Madonna, in all her mysterious, gooey, warm, sticky, dark goodness. "I am black, but beautiful, O daughters of Jerusalem…" (Song of Songs 1:5) Further thoughts from Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Madonna):
- Black Madonnas have grown out of pre-Christian earth goddess traditions. Their dark skin may be associated with ancient images of these goddesses, and with the colour of fertile earth. They are often associated with stories of being found by chance in a natural setting: in a tree or by a spring, for example. Some of their Christian shrines are located on the sites of earlier temples to Cybele and Diana of Ephesus.
- Black Madonnas derive from the Egyptian goddess Isis. The dark skin may echo an African archetypal mother figure. Professor Stephen Benko among others says that early Christian pictures of a seated mother and child were influenced by images of Isis and Horus.
- Black Madonnas express a feminine power not fully conveyed by a pale-skinned Mary, who seems to symbolise gentler qualities like obedience and purity. This idea can be discussed in Jungian terms. The "feminine power" approach may be linked to Mary Magdalene and female sexuality repressed by the medieval Church. In France, there are traditions affirming that some statues are of Mary Magdalene and not of Mary, the mother of Jesus, but these traditions and related theories are generally rejected by theologians. The suggestion that Black Madonnas represent feminine power may be linked with the earth goddesses and attributed to the archetypal "great mother" who presides not only over fertility, but over life and death. These ideas overlap with "feminist spirituality" or "women's spirituality". (Chiavola Birnbaum)

So, food for thought next time you have pancakes with your tarot reading... or are taking in an image of a goddess, Mary, las santas, or any statue of a woman, really.

Motherhood, Poise and Nurturing

I wrote about the brand new Housewives' Tarot that Thomas gifted to me some time ago. I said I would post pictures of my favourite cards, but as yet have not had the time to do so. Well, wait breathless no longer! I will proceed to post (in successive days) some of my favourite cards and their meaning in the Arcana.

I begin with The Empress, as she is a card with whom I feel a kinship, and have felt so since I laid eyes and hands on my first Rider-Waite deck.

According to the Housewives' Tarot, The Empress, or the third card in the Major Arcana, represents Motherhood, Poise and Nurturing. "A feminine force to be reckoned with, The Empress is the earthly mother to housewives everywhere, and she spreads her wisdom of domesticity across the land. Symbolizing your hidden potential, she is warm, comforting, and perfectly poised and coiffed, with just a touch of authority to complement her nurturing charm. She has tested each and every recipe herself in her own kitchen, and loves nothing more than sharing the tips and secrets of her success. Follow her instructions carefully, and you're on your way to domestic bliss."

Antropologo

Look! Anthropologists in the popular media! http://es.movies.yahoo.com/m/moscow-zero/index-2367991.html
(WARNING: do not bother clicking on the link if you do not understand Spanish. You might, however, bother to look for the movie Moscow Zero in English through an imdb.com or Google search.)

Dankyou, comagain.

Catharsis by 10,000 Maniacs

One of the saddest songs I've ever heard. (AKA This is why I love Natalie Merchant)

Jezebel by 10,000 Maniacs

To think of my task is chilling
To know I was carefully building the mask
I was wearing for two years, swearing I'd tear it off
I've sat in the dark explaining to myself
that I'm straining too hard for feelings I ought to find easily
Called myself Jezebel, I don't believe

Before I say that the vows we made weigh like a stone in my heart
Family is family, don't let this tear us apart

You lie there, an innocent baby
I feel like the thief who is raiding your home
entering and breaking and taking in every room
I know your feelings are tender and that inside you the embersstill glow
But I'm a shadow, I'm only a bed of blackened coal
Call myself Jezebel for wanting to leave

I'm not saying I'm replacing love for some other word
to describe the sacred tie that bound me to you
I'm just saying we've mistaken one for thousands of words
And for that mistake, I've caused you such pain that I damn that word
I've no more ways to hide that I'm a desolate and empty, hollow place inside

I'm not saying I'm replacing love for some other word
to describe the sacred tie that bound me to you
I'm not saying love's a plaything
No, it's a powerful word
inspired by strong desire to bind myself to you
How I wish that we never had tried to be man and his wife
to weave our lives into a blindfold over both our eyes

Bag o' hormones

Earlier this week everything was irritating me or angering me; today everything is making me tear up.

Ah, the PMS. How I've missed you. Has it been a month already? Is that why I'm sniffling at the sight of this cute little toddler in a jester's cap and big puffy green coat with his parents sitting near me at Heine Brothers? Is this why I have the urge to call my sister and reminisce about the book Joyful Noise, of which I was reminded as I listened to a motet from the Middle Ages? Is this why I lipsync to "Maori" by Girlyman and become very sentimental for my Elizabeth? Is this why, even though I just left home an hour ago, I already really miss Thomas and want to touch his short, spikey hair and smell his breath?

Hmm. If all this increased sentiment can be explained biochemically, I say this: Thank God for hormones.

Even mine.


http://www.whatthebleep.com/

For Your Consideration...

You may have noticed that I changed the name of my blog...again. Is this becoming a tradition? No, indeed. I suppose I am simply the kind of person who must do "spring cleaning" occasionally...and more than just during spring--in her mind and on her blog, as well as in her house. In fact, I felt rather "Spring cleaningy" a few weeks ago when it was warm and I could fling open the windows of my house to allow in the fresh breezes and grassy sunny smells of spring.... But that's all passed for the moment with the cold front that's moved in. It actually flipping SNOWED today in Louisville. Chrikey.

Anyway, this evening I was reading a journal I apparently kept while I was living on Frankfort Avenue with a (remaining nameless) guy after I dropped out of Berea. The journal is pretty dire at points, what with the listless, occasionally suicidal depression and such. But much of it is really... GOOD. And funny.

I'm considering posting excerpts here. In any case, I was in the basement (still am, to tell the truth) trying to configure Thomas' laptop for our wireless. For some reason, this an extremely complicated venture. Clearly, I'm missing something. I'm technologically impaired, to say the least. Anyhoo, as I have been waiting for things to boot and re-boot, I started tidying up and reorganizing things, à la spring cleaning. And that's when I found this journal, along with a bunch of paperwork for my entrance into nursing school at Jefferson Community College. --Those days seem like DECADES ago. So to make a long story a little longer, the combination of perusing my old journal combined with happening upon a nursing paper that said, "Memorandum," caused me to think "Memo -- Random," as many of my journal entries seem to be. And as I guess they still are. :) So it seemed a fitting fit.

What do you think?

Green

I am trying to finish this stupid paper so I can start on another stupid paper (okay, 4 papers). Anyways, I'm listening to my iTunes, and this song randomly popped up. It's fantastic, and I have no idea how it came to be in my iTunes. The song is "Postcards from Italy" by a band called Beirut, from the album Gulag Orkestar. May I please share it with you? Email me for a copy. These are the lyrics, although it is the music that really caught my attention.

The times we had
Oh, when the wind would blow with rain and snow
Were not all bad
We put our feet just where they had
Had to go
Never to go

The shattered soul
Following close but nearly twice as slow
Were my good times
There were always golden rocks to throw
At those who
Those who admit defeat too late
Those were our times
Those were our times

And I will love to see that day
That day is mine
When she will marry me
Outside with the willow trees
And playing songs in May
What made me so
And I would love to see that day
The day was mine

In other news, today is a very cold one in Louisville. It feels more like autumn than spring. We had a cold front move in, brought by a beautiful storm last night that promised, with its rain smells and fierce wind, many excellent spring days proceeded by many summer storms. It was magical; the sky was fairly bright but ominous green too; the rain came down in sheets in a way that only happens really in movies anymore. At twilight, it seemed an appropriate time to let loose this intense weather; the sunny, hot day that preceded its advent scarcely hinted at what would come. I was transported; my neighborhood became a new place under the seige of that incredible rain and colour and movement. ...But such is the power of water and weather. So, blessings to you and yours. Buena suerte con todo y vaya con Dios, de siempre.

I'm So Deficient

http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/

My (religious) beliefs, in a nutshell

"'Truth is a pathless land.' One cannot come to it through any organization, through any dogma, priest or ritual, not through any philosophic knowledge or psychological technique. One has to find it through the mirror of relationship, through the understanding of the contents of one's own mind, through observation and not through intellectual analysis or introspective dissection. Humankind has built in itself images as a fence of security -- religious, political, personal. These manifest as symbols, ideas, beliefs. The burden of these images dominates one's thinking, one's relationships and one's daily life. These images are the cause of our problems, for they divide human being from human being."

This is an excerpt from a speech made by J. Krishnamurti, 1929. (I changed the androcentric nouns and pronouns to be non-gender-specific, however.)

KRISHNAMURTI FOUNDATION TRUST, Ltd. http.//www.kfa.org/

ALSO, aptly stated this way by the great F. Dostoevsky: "The soul is of no sect, no party: it is, as you say, our passions and our prejudices, which give rise to our religious and political distinctions."

...Been listening to the Smiths all day. Am somewhat weary and caffeine-addled.

"caffeine-addled"

'the study of consciousness' 'to the person'

phenomenology |fiˌnäməˈnäləjē| noun Philosophy -- the science of phenomena as distinct from that of the nature of being. • an approach that concentrates on the study of consciousness and the objects of direct experience.

ad hominem |ˈad ˈhämənəm| adverb & adjective -- 1 (of an argument or reaction) arising from or appealing to the emotions and not reason or logic. • attacking an opponent’s motives or character rather than the policy or position they maintain : vicious ad hominem attacks. 2 relating to or associated with a particular person : [as adv. ] the office was created ad hominem for Fenton. | [as adj. ] an ad hominem response. ORIGIN late 16th cent.: Latin, literally ‘to the person.’

I realized that I've never actually looked up these words, and thought I'd better see if my understanding of them corresponded well to the official dictionary definition. Oh, I do love the dictionary. Love of lists + love of words + love of history = dictionary.

McConnell Can Suck It

Chickenhawk n. A person enthusiastic about war, provided someone else fights it; particularly when that enthusiasm is undimmed by personal experience with war; most emphatically when that lack of experience came in spite of ample opportunity in that person’s youth; Mitch McConnell.

http://www.ditchmitchky.com/

Either Enlighten me or Leave Me Alone

These lyrics have been running through my head a lot lately. The song is on my "Canciones del año 24" mix which will be complete in July. I think about it whenever I realize that I'm trying to talk to someone who doesn't have anything to say (anything to teach me). I want to talk to people who engage my thoughts and beliefs; I have no time for people who are not adding to my knowledge or understanding. So these lyrics, to me, echo the song "Psychokiller" by the Talking Heads, especially their line, "You start a conversation--you can't even finish it. You're talking a lot, but you're not saying anything. When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed. Say something once, why say it again?" Those are my sentiments in a nutshell. If you all haven't heard this song, GO FIND IT. It's worth it. If you want me to email it to you, let me know.

"Meantime" by The Futureheads

I wasn't laughing properly, when you were talking to me
I didn't find it funny, your story didn't do it for me
False conversations, false conversations
And you thought that I was joking when I said you were a moron
When I said it I was smiling, so you thought that I was joking

It's easy to try. it's easy any time
We can talk if we like
Let's forget it for the meantime
False conversations, a waste of time, false conversations
It's not interesting to have false conversations
You've stolen all your stories and I don't have the patience

It's easy to try, it's easy any time
We can talk if we like
Let's forget it for the meantime
It's easy to try, it's easy any time
We can talk if we like
Let's forget it for the meantime

You are a decent person and you have a function
So why do we say hello? it's just a fashion that we follow that we should be forgetting
But then you do it again, you do the same again
You are a decent person and you have a function
So why do we say hello? it's just a fashion that we follow that we should be forgetting
It's a fashion that we follow that we should be forgetting
It's a fashion that we follow that we should be forgetting
But then you do it again, you do the same again

It's easy to try, it's easy any time
We can talk if we like
Let's forget it for the meantime
It's easy to try, it's easy any time
We can talk if we like
Let's forget it for the meantime

Smashing Patriarchy, One Woman at a Time

My thanks to Ali Mian for bringing this excellent graphic to my attention via Facebook.