"Every moment of one's life, one is growing into more or retreating into less." - Norman Mailer

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Report Card

There are many things about which I would like to write today (Spiderman III Review, Derby, vacation, jobs, May Day, Jacqueline) but the thing I think I am most excited to mention is my grades. That's right, kids, it's the semi-annual Clare-bragging-on-herself-for-a-moment Report Card.

And so:

History of Anthropology (the class from hell that in which I really had no idea how I would do gradewise)
A
Cultures of the Middle East (Best...Class...Ever)
A
Intro to Archaeology
B+
Intro to Biological Anthropology
B
Spanish Senior Capstone Course
A

I feel pretty good about these grades, although I am mad a little about my two Bs--the B+ is 3 points (not percentage points, but POINTS) away from being an A- (grr), and the B in Bio Anth could've been an A if I had just flipping STUDIED for our second test instead of ignoring it and getting a D on it because I didn't bother to memorize all the Australopithecines and other pre-homo sapiens. Grrr.

Anyhoo. Despite the Bs, my overall GPA remains high at a 3.83, down from a 3.87 at the beginning of the semester. I feel that this is respectable, as I need to maintain a 3.75 or higher in order to graduate Summa cum Laude, which is my goal. I will need to be a lot more organized and study more next semester, though, if I am to be successful, as I will be taking 15 hours each semester and it will be almost exculsively anthropology, which is a lot more work than Humanities-like classes. As much reading as one has to do in an English or History major, for instance, I'm convinced that Anthro majors have to do more. IT'S ALL READING. So, if I'm going to take 24 hours of Anthro at the 300 and 400 level next year as well as do my undergraduate thesis and start master's courses in Spanish, I had better get my shit together now. Not being President of Honors Student Council will help.

As always, thanks for reading, and I hope you all had a happy Derby weekend.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Nice Try, Vagina Mouth



This is another fabulous comic from the webcomic Perry Bible Fellowship (see link to the right). It really spoke to me, not only because it is just funny and clever, but also because of the vagina dentitis. There is a Native American story (can't remember which tribe at the moment, sorry) called "Teeth Down There." I think you can guess what happens.

I think this is a fascinating way of representing the unfathomable mystery that is the body of a woman. All sorts of frightening, bizarre inventions are thought up in folklore (and webcomics) to represent or give name to the overwhelming, vast, beautiful mystery that women have inside them. One doesn't know if he'll find a garden, or a mouth full of jagged teeth!

Anyway... I'm sorry the PBF comics arae so tiny; you can click on the comic to enlarge it a little.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

A Cog in the Wheels of Despotism

"It is a stifling, stultifying world in which to live. It is a world in which every word and every thought is censored. In England it is hard even to imagine such an atmosphere. Everyone is free in England; we sell our souls in public and buy them back in private, among our friends. But even friendship can hardly exist when every white man is a cog in the wheels of despotism. Free speech is unthinkable. All other kinds of freedom are permitted. You are free to be a drunkard, an idler, a coward, a backbiter, a fornicator; but you are not free to think for yourself. Your opinion on every subject of any conceivable importance is dictated for you by the pukka sahibs' code."

from chapter 5, Burmese Days by George Orwell (possible my favourite book EVER after the Brothers Karamozov)

7 Social Evils

The following I first came across as a poster in the room of my Great Books teacher in 10th grade. It had a profound effect on me and continues to do so. I have never before or since found such a succinct yet poignant way of expressing by what and why I am discontented in this Koyaanisqatsi world of ours. Below the list are ways in which one may combat the seven social evils (or ills). The ones that most speak to me are numbers 1 and 4. Number 1--that all life is interconnected--is a conclusion I came to at about 13 or 14 years of age. Number 4 is something of which we need desperately to remind ourselves and to renew in ourselves as citizens of this great U.S.A.

Seven Social Evils (by Mohandas Gandhi)

- Wealth Without Work
- Pleasure Without Conscience
- Knowledge Without Character
- Commerce Without Morality
- Science Without Humanity
- Worship Without Sacrifice
- Politics Without Principles

1. Oneness
All life is one/interconnected. Our oneness calls us to work for the well-being of all.
2. Satyagraha (force of truth/Soul Force)
Nonviolence is the pursuit of truth - living with integrity and the willingness to confront untruth.
3. Ahimsa (non-injury)
Nonviolence as the practice of ahimsa is the development of love and selfless service, helping others--especially
adversaries--to avoid suffering. (This is the essence of all religions.)
4. Respect and Understanding
People are always more than the evils they commit. Nonviolence respects others and sees their goodness, while trying to
understand the "whys" behind their behavior.
5. Appreciating Differences
Nonviolence moves beyond acceptance into appreciation and celebration of our differences.
6. Absorbing Suffering
Nonviolence takes on without complaint any suffering that results from my confrontation with untruth and accepts that all
forms of violence cannot be totally eliminated.
7. Trust/Release of Fear
Nonviolent living is a trust in life and the journey of becoming increasingly free from fear.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Agotada

AGOTADO, AGOTADA, adj: exhausted. The base of 'agotada' is 'gota,' which means 'drop,' like drop of liquid. So 'agotada' kind of implies something in English like being 'completely squeezed dry,' or being 'down to the last drop,' or 'not one drop left.'

Well, this word is the picture perfect description of me today. I have written about 40 pages of final papers in the last 70 hours. I had another 12-15 page paper due today along with an annotated bibliography. I didn't manage to finish either, so I guess they'll just be late. Poo. I am frustrated with myself, but mostly I just want a break. So I'm taking that break now and posting another tarot card, which amuses me and makes me happy.

Judgment is the 21st card in the major Arcana, and represents Assessment, Acceptance and Harsh Criticism. "The time has come to weigh the facts--and yourself! Judgment is about abandoning bad habits and accepting yourself for who you really are. Don't be modest; take credit for all your good deeds and valuable traits. Shed the negative thoughts that weigh you down with their high-calorie burdens. True happiness is more about eliminating low self-esteem than losing those pesky five pounds."

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Take that, bully.



http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF024AD-Nice_T_Shirt.jpg#94

Ha! The underdog always wins in the end. Brute force will be met with magic and cosmic consequences!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Death is the 14th card of the Major Arcana and represents An Unavoidable Ending, Loss and Necessary Change. "Something is rotten. The expiration date has passed and the food has spoiled! You may be reluctant to throw it away, and you may try to convince yourself that a little mold never hurt anyone, but only a fool [haha] would dare eat food riddled with botulism. No matter how many preservatives are added, everything eventually goes stale. The Death card may seem grim, but its message is a positive one: This ending is necessary to make a fresh beginning and a tastier future."

I must first give a special nod to my friend, Will, who is horribly repulsed by mayonnaise. I of course immediately thought of him when I first set eyes on the Housewives' Tarot interpretation of the Death card. (I then thought of the movie Undercover Brother, in which there are many jokes about how white people love mayonnaise and put it on everything, whereas black people would almost rather die than eat it.)

Anyway, this card is especially apropos for me today as I struggle to understand and be understood by those most dear to me and change my way of thinking and acting. It is also appropriate because the semester is winding down; I'm preparing to write my last papers and take the last tests. I am glad to be ending the semester, but wistfully, because I have learned so much this semester and have been so stimulated. Furthermore, I am stepping down from my post as President of Honors Student Council and taking a backseat in the leadership car for next year's council. While I am glad to have much of the responsibility handed on to someone else, I have been reflecting on all that we've managed to do this year, in our fledgling year as a council. I am proud of all the things we've done; I think we've built a good foundation to expand upon next year, and I for one have certainly learned a LOT--what to do as well as what to avoid doing. And I'll continue learning.

So. I guess I should go study for my Biological Anthropology test now. Thanks for reading.

My metaphysical (and material) SONG of the Day: "By My Rocket Comes Fire" by Nick Harper

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Horoscope, you sly dog!

"You may get caught up in some family conflicts that you have no desire to deal with, Clare. And you may even feel like yelling at other people in order to get rid of all the excess stress, and get yourself out of this situation. But be careful not too overlook the hidden benefits of this day. There may be a kind of treasure in there somewhere. Instead of getting angry, open your eyes!"

Once again, my horoscope is ever so accurate. And I am taking the advice and opening my eyes. Today, every time I begin to feel angry or resentful, I am going to stop and think, "How can I be more understanding?" This is helping me to be less stressed. I am taking inventory right now and trying to get to the root of my bad feelings. I'm discovering that most of them are smoke and mirrors. I need to get outside myself a little and take in some different perspective. I feel I am turning a corner to a better me.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

White Devils! (opposite of Black Madonnas)

The Devil is the 16th card of the Major Arcana. It represents Temptation, Vice and Self-Desruction. "The modern convenience of TV dinners, instant coffee crystals, and processed cheese in a can. The sinful satisfaction of martinis, cigarettes, and devil's food cake with rich, creamy frosting. Oh, how the Devil inside us loves seemingly simple solutions and indulgent luxuries! It's not good to repress these tempations entirely, but take great care not to let such vices rule your life. Succumbing to your dark side too often will surely bring about your downfall."

This card seems sort of like the calling card of the United States of America. Like, every time the USA introduces itself to another country, it hands out Death. While shaking hands: "Pleased to meet you; and here's my card." BAM! Simplistic and near-sighted 'solutions'! In fact, maybe a surplus of the Death card is the Western-colonial disease in general. Too much 'convenience,' too much pleasure, too much ease. We want for nothing and so we are GOING DOWN.

Oh and by the way, instant coffee was invented in 1929--so it's not that new. Really.

Blue October-Into the Ocean

A great song that Thomas introduced me to.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Black Madonna Syrup

The High Priestess is the fifth card of the Major Arcana and represents Mystery, Secrets and Magic. "Contained deep within her supernatural syrup are the psychic powers and mysterious knowledge of the universe. When no one else is watching, she may choose to whisper some secrets to you one morning at the breakfast table. Then again, she may not. She often speaks in riddles; don't expect her to spoon-feed you the answer. The High Priestess has a dual nature--evil and good--and is available in both dark, thick, rich Original and diet-friendly reduced-calorie Lite." Haha.

I think this is one of the best images in the whole Housewives' Deck--and there are many really good ones. While the portrayal of the High Priestess as Aunt Jemima syrup is humorous, it also, I think, speaks to us on a deeper, collective-unconscious level. That is to say, I think that the image of the High Priestess as Aunt Jemima syrup is reminiscent of the Black Madonna, in all her mysterious, gooey, warm, sticky, dark goodness. "I am black, but beautiful, O daughters of Jerusalem…" (Song of Songs 1:5) Further thoughts from Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Madonna):
- Black Madonnas have grown out of pre-Christian earth goddess traditions. Their dark skin may be associated with ancient images of these goddesses, and with the colour of fertile earth. They are often associated with stories of being found by chance in a natural setting: in a tree or by a spring, for example. Some of their Christian shrines are located on the sites of earlier temples to Cybele and Diana of Ephesus.
- Black Madonnas derive from the Egyptian goddess Isis. The dark skin may echo an African archetypal mother figure. Professor Stephen Benko among others says that early Christian pictures of a seated mother and child were influenced by images of Isis and Horus.
- Black Madonnas express a feminine power not fully conveyed by a pale-skinned Mary, who seems to symbolise gentler qualities like obedience and purity. This idea can be discussed in Jungian terms. The "feminine power" approach may be linked to Mary Magdalene and female sexuality repressed by the medieval Church. In France, there are traditions affirming that some statues are of Mary Magdalene and not of Mary, the mother of Jesus, but these traditions and related theories are generally rejected by theologians. The suggestion that Black Madonnas represent feminine power may be linked with the earth goddesses and attributed to the archetypal "great mother" who presides not only over fertility, but over life and death. These ideas overlap with "feminist spirituality" or "women's spirituality". (Chiavola Birnbaum)

So, food for thought next time you have pancakes with your tarot reading... or are taking in an image of a goddess, Mary, las santas, or any statue of a woman, really.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Motherhood, Poise and Nurturing

I wrote about the brand new Housewives' Tarot that Thomas gifted to me some time ago. I said I would post pictures of my favourite cards, but as yet have not had the time to do so. Well, wait breathless no longer! I will proceed to post (in successive days) some of my favourite cards and their meaning in the Arcana.

I begin with The Empress, as she is a card with whom I feel a kinship, and have felt so since I laid eyes and hands on my first Rider-Waite deck.

According to the Housewives' Tarot, The Empress, or the third card in the Major Arcana, represents Motherhood, Poise and Nurturing. "A feminine force to be reckoned with, The Empress is the earthly mother to housewives everywhere, and she spreads her wisdom of domesticity across the land. Symbolizing your hidden potential, she is warm, comforting, and perfectly poised and coiffed, with just a touch of authority to complement her nurturing charm. She has tested each and every recipe herself in her own kitchen, and loves nothing more than sharing the tips and secrets of her success. Follow her instructions carefully, and you're on your way to domestic bliss."

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Antropologo

Look! Anthropologists in the popular media! http://es.movies.yahoo.com/m/moscow-zero/index-2367991.html
(WARNING: do not bother clicking on the link if you do not understand Spanish. You might, however, bother to look for the movie Moscow Zero in English through an imdb.com or Google search.)

Dankyou, comagain.

Catharsis by 10,000 Maniacs

One of the saddest songs I've ever heard. (AKA This is why I love Natalie Merchant)

Jezebel by 10,000 Maniacs

To think of my task is chilling
To know I was carefully building the mask
I was wearing for two years, swearing I'd tear it off
I've sat in the dark explaining to myself
that I'm straining too hard for feelings I ought to find easily
Called myself Jezebel, I don't believe

Before I say that the vows we made weigh like a stone in my heart
Family is family, don't let this tear us apart

You lie there, an innocent baby
I feel like the thief who is raiding your home
entering and breaking and taking in every room
I know your feelings are tender and that inside you the embersstill glow
But I'm a shadow, I'm only a bed of blackened coal
Call myself Jezebel for wanting to leave

I'm not saying I'm replacing love for some other word
to describe the sacred tie that bound me to you
I'm just saying we've mistaken one for thousands of words
And for that mistake, I've caused you such pain that I damn that word
I've no more ways to hide that I'm a desolate and empty, hollow place inside

I'm not saying I'm replacing love for some other word
to describe the sacred tie that bound me to you
I'm not saying love's a plaything
No, it's a powerful word
inspired by strong desire to bind myself to you
How I wish that we never had tried to be man and his wife
to weave our lives into a blindfold over both our eyes

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Bag o' hormones

Earlier this week everything was irritating me or angering me; today everything is making me tear up.

Ah, the PMS. How I've missed you. Has it been a month already? Is that why I'm sniffling at the sight of this cute little toddler in a jester's cap and big puffy green coat with his parents sitting near me at Heine Brothers? Is this why I have the urge to call my sister and reminisce about the book Joyful Noise, of which I was reminded as I listened to a motet from the Middle Ages? Is this why I lipsync to "Maori" by Girlyman and become very sentimental for my Elizabeth? Is this why, even though I just left home an hour ago, I already really miss Thomas and want to touch his short, spikey hair and smell his breath?

Hmm. If all this increased sentiment can be explained biochemically, I say this: Thank God for hormones.

Even mine.


http://www.whatthebleep.com/

Friday, April 06, 2007

For Your Consideration...

You may have noticed that I changed the name of my blog...again. Is this becoming a tradition? No, indeed. I suppose I am simply the kind of person who must do "spring cleaning" occasionally...and more than just during spring--in her mind and on her blog, as well as in her house. In fact, I felt rather "Spring cleaningy" a few weeks ago when it was warm and I could fling open the windows of my house to allow in the fresh breezes and grassy sunny smells of spring.... But that's all passed for the moment with the cold front that's moved in. It actually flipping SNOWED today in Louisville. Chrikey.

Anyway, this evening I was reading a journal I apparently kept while I was living on Frankfort Avenue with a (remaining nameless) guy after I dropped out of Berea. The journal is pretty dire at points, what with the listless, occasionally suicidal depression and such. But much of it is really... GOOD. And funny.

I'm considering posting excerpts here. In any case, I was in the basement (still am, to tell the truth) trying to configure Thomas' laptop for our wireless. For some reason, this an extremely complicated venture. Clearly, I'm missing something. I'm technologically impaired, to say the least. Anyhoo, as I have been waiting for things to boot and re-boot, I started tidying up and reorganizing things, à la spring cleaning. And that's when I found this journal, along with a bunch of paperwork for my entrance into nursing school at Jefferson Community College. --Those days seem like DECADES ago. So to make a long story a little longer, the combination of perusing my old journal combined with happening upon a nursing paper that said, "Memorandum," caused me to think "Memo -- Random," as many of my journal entries seem to be. And as I guess they still are. :) So it seemed a fitting fit.

What do you think?

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Green

I am trying to finish this stupid paper so I can start on another stupid paper (okay, 4 papers). Anyways, I'm listening to my iTunes, and this song randomly popped up. It's fantastic, and I have no idea how it came to be in my iTunes. The song is "Postcards from Italy" by a band called Beirut, from the album Gulag Orkestar. May I please share it with you? Email me for a copy. These are the lyrics, although it is the music that really caught my attention.

The times we had
Oh, when the wind would blow with rain and snow
Were not all bad
We put our feet just where they had
Had to go
Never to go

The shattered soul
Following close but nearly twice as slow
Were my good times
There were always golden rocks to throw
At those who
Those who admit defeat too late
Those were our times
Those were our times

And I will love to see that day
That day is mine
When she will marry me
Outside with the willow trees
And playing songs in May
What made me so
And I would love to see that day
The day was mine

In other news, today is a very cold one in Louisville. It feels more like autumn than spring. We had a cold front move in, brought by a beautiful storm last night that promised, with its rain smells and fierce wind, many excellent spring days proceeded by many summer storms. It was magical; the sky was fairly bright but ominous green too; the rain came down in sheets in a way that only happens really in movies anymore. At twilight, it seemed an appropriate time to let loose this intense weather; the sunny, hot day that preceded its advent scarcely hinted at what would come. I was transported; my neighborhood became a new place under the seige of that incredible rain and colour and movement. ...But such is the power of water and weather. So, blessings to you and yours. Buena suerte con todo y vaya con Dios, de siempre.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

I'm So Deficient



http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/

My (religious) beliefs, in a nutshell

"'Truth is a pathless land.' One cannot come to it through any organization, through any dogma, priest or ritual, not through any philosophic knowledge or psychological technique. One has to find it through the mirror of relationship, through the understanding of the contents of one's own mind, through observation and not through intellectual analysis or introspective dissection. Humankind has built in itself images as a fence of security -- religious, political, personal. These manifest as symbols, ideas, beliefs. The burden of these images dominates one's thinking, one's relationships and one's daily life. These images are the cause of our problems, for they divide human being from human being."

This is an excerpt from a speech made by J. Krishnamurti, 1929. (I changed the androcentric nouns and pronouns to be non-gender-specific, however.)

KRISHNAMURTI FOUNDATION TRUST, Ltd. http.//www.kfa.org/

ALSO, aptly stated this way by the great F. Dostoevsky: "The soul is of no sect, no party: it is, as you say, our passions and our prejudices, which give rise to our religious and political distinctions."

...Been listening to the Smiths all day. Am somewhat weary and caffeine-addled.

"caffeine-addled"

'the study of consciousness' 'to the person'

phenomenology |fiˌnäməˈnäləjē| noun Philosophy -- the science of phenomena as distinct from that of the nature of being. • an approach that concentrates on the study of consciousness and the objects of direct experience.

ad hominem |ˈad ˈhämənəm| adverb & adjective -- 1 (of an argument or reaction) arising from or appealing to the emotions and not reason or logic. • attacking an opponent’s motives or character rather than the policy or position they maintain : vicious ad hominem attacks. 2 relating to or associated with a particular person : [as adv. ] the office was created ad hominem for Fenton. | [as adj. ] an ad hominem response. ORIGIN late 16th cent.: Latin, literally ‘to the person.’

I realized that I've never actually looked up these words, and thought I'd better see if my understanding of them corresponded well to the official dictionary definition. Oh, I do love the dictionary. Love of lists + love of words + love of history = dictionary.

Monday, March 26, 2007

McConnell Can Suck It

Chickenhawk n. A person enthusiastic about war, provided someone else fights it; particularly when that enthusiasm is undimmed by personal experience with war; most emphatically when that lack of experience came in spite of ample opportunity in that person’s youth; Mitch McConnell.

http://www.ditchmitchky.com/

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Either Enlighten me or Leave Me Alone

These lyrics have been running through my head a lot lately. The song is on my "Canciones del año 24" mix which will be complete in July. I think about it whenever I realize that I'm trying to talk to someone who doesn't have anything to say (anything to teach me). I want to talk to people who engage my thoughts and beliefs; I have no time for people who are not adding to my knowledge or understanding. So these lyrics, to me, echo the song "Psychokiller" by the Talking Heads, especially their line, "You start a conversation--you can't even finish it. You're talking a lot, but you're not saying anything. When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed. Say something once, why say it again?" Those are my sentiments in a nutshell. If you all haven't heard this song, GO FIND IT. It's worth it. If you want me to email it to you, let me know.

"Meantime" by The Futureheads

I wasn't laughing properly, when you were talking to me
I didn't find it funny, your story didn't do it for me
False conversations, false conversations
And you thought that I was joking when I said you were a moron
When I said it I was smiling, so you thought that I was joking

It's easy to try. it's easy any time
We can talk if we like
Let's forget it for the meantime
False conversations, a waste of time, false conversations
It's not interesting to have false conversations
You've stolen all your stories and I don't have the patience

It's easy to try, it's easy any time
We can talk if we like
Let's forget it for the meantime
It's easy to try, it's easy any time
We can talk if we like
Let's forget it for the meantime

You are a decent person and you have a function
So why do we say hello? it's just a fashion that we follow that we should be forgetting
But then you do it again, you do the same again
You are a decent person and you have a function
So why do we say hello? it's just a fashion that we follow that we should be forgetting
It's a fashion that we follow that we should be forgetting
It's a fashion that we follow that we should be forgetting
But then you do it again, you do the same again

It's easy to try, it's easy any time
We can talk if we like
Let's forget it for the meantime
It's easy to try, it's easy any time
We can talk if we like
Let's forget it for the meantime

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Smashing Patriarchy, One Woman at a Time



My thanks to Ali Mian for bringing this excellent graphic to my attention via Facebook.

The Christians and the Pagans

My sister and I had many a lovely conversation last week as we drove through the switchbacks of eastern Tennessee on the way to and back from visiting my mommy in South Carolina. Sofia slept peacefully in her little carseat, deaf to the peals of laughter and conversational noises emitting from the front seat. One of the many tangents we diverged upon was the etymology of the word "pagan." We couldn't remember it, although both of us had recently come across it. Irene, sharp and diligent intellectual that she is, remembered to email the etymology to me yesterday, a few days after our arrival home. I added to it by searching in the Oxford English Dictionary for an extended etymology. It was extremely curious. Perhaps a few more people might put themselves in the pagan camp after reading the history of the term and its duality to the term "Christian." So here it is, for all those burning to know:

PAGAN. n. adj. "from Latin 'paganus', originally "villager, rustic; civilian, non-militant", opposed to 'miles' "soldier, one of the army". In Christian Latin (Tertullian, Augustine), "heathen" as opposed to Christian or Jewish. The Christians called themselves 'milites': "enrolled soldiers" of Christ (members of this militant church) and applied to non-Christians the term applied by soldiers to all who were 'not enrolled in the army.' from Tertullian 'De Corona Militis' xi' "Apud hune [Cristum] tam miles est paganus fidelis quam paganus est miles infidelis."

So now we are all inspired to go home and read Tertullian in full in the original Latin. Go on, scatter, all you little pagans!!!


(from the website http://www.bluewitch.com/healingtarot/empress.htm)

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The Coincidence Journal

So... I've started another blog to track all the weird "coincidences" of life. Of course, we all know there's no such thing as a coincidence, only divine synchronicities, VALIS reaching out to contact each of us. So we must pay attention.

http://coincidencejournal.blogspot.com/

Possibly the Best Yet

Married To The Sea
marriedtothesea.com

Monday, March 12, 2007

Got Anthro?

Married To The Sea
marriedtothesea.com

Go Commie Pinkoes!

The following are a rewarding meander through the beautiful and labrynthine garden that is George Orwell's mind as reflected in the fantastic novel Burmese Days, if you have the stamina to read to the end. These are my favourite quotes from the novel, a novel which is arguably finer than 1984, and one which I recommend to everyone. When you read them, see if any of the quotes remind you of another certain conflict in which the U.S. (everyone's favourite empire) is currently embroiled....

p. 26
“Butler!” yelled Ellis, and as the butler appeared, “go and wake that bloody chokra up!”
“Yes, master.”
“And butler!”
“Yes, master?”
“How much ice have we got left?”
“’Bout twenty pounds, master. Will only last to-day, I think. I find it very difficult to keep ice cool now.”
“Don’t talk like that, damn you—‘I find it very difficult!’ Have you swallowed a dictionary? ‘Please, master, can’t keeping ice cool’—that’s how you ought to talk. We shall have to sack this fellow if he gets to talk English too well. I can’t stick servants who talk English. D’you hear, butler?”
“Yes, master,” said the butler, and retired.

p. 29
“Really I think the laziness of these servants is getting too shocking,” she sighed. “Don’t you agree, Mr. Macgregor? We seem to have no authority over the natives nowadays, with all these dreadful Reforms, and the insolence they learn from the newspapers. In some ways they are getting almost as bad as the lower classes at home.”

- Bolshie

p. 30
Mr. Macgregor stiffened at the word ‘nigger,’ which is discountenanced in India. He had no prejudice against Orientals; indeed, he was deeply fond of them. Provided they were given no freedom he thought them the most charming people alive. It always pained him to see them wantonly insulted.

p. 31
“It’s all very well, but I stick to what I said. No natives in this Club! It’s by constantly giving way over small things like that that we’ve ruined the Empire. This country’s only rotten with sedition because we’ve been too soft with them. The only possible policy is too treat ‘em like the dirt they are....”

p. 32
“Our burra sahib at Mandalay always said,” put in Mrs. Lackersteen, “that in the end we shall simply leave India. Young men will not come out here any longer to work all their lives for insults and ingratitude. We shall just go. When the natives come to us begging us to stay, we shall say, ‘No, you have had your chance, you wouldn’t take it. Very well, we shall leave you to govern yourselves.’ And then, what a lesson that will teach them!”

p. 33
Oh, what a place, what people! What a civilisation is this of ours—this godless civilisation founded on whisky, Blackwood’s and all the ‘Bonzo’ pictures! God have mercy on us, for all of us are part of it.

p. 39
“...Hanging together, we call it. It’s a political necessity. Of course drink is what keeps the machine going. We should all go mad and kill one another if it weren’t for that. There’s a subject for one of your uplift essayists, doctor. Booze as the cement of empire.”
* * *
“But my dear friend, what lie are you living?”
“Why, of course, the lie that we’re here to uplift our poor black brothers instead of to rob them.”

p. 40
“Dr. Veraswami had a passionate admiration for the English, which a thousand snubs from Englishmen had not shaken. He would maintain with positive eagerness that he, as an Indian, belonged to an inferior and degenerate race.”
* * *
“My dear doctor,” said Flory, “how can you make out that we are in this country for any purpose except to steal? It’s so simple. The official holds the Burman down while the business man goes through his pockets. Do you suppose any firm, for instance, could get its timber contracts if the country weren’t in the hands of the British? Or the other timber firms, or the oil companies, or the miners and planters and traders? How could the Rice Ring go on skinning the unfortunate peasant if it hadn’t the Government behind it? The British Empire is simply a device for giving trade monopolies to the English—or rather to gangs of Jews and Scotchmen.”

p. 68
For as his brain developed—you cannot stop your brain developing, and it is one of the tragedies of the half-educated that they develop late, when they are already committed to some wrong way of life—he had grasped the truth about the English and their Empire.
* * *
The real work of administration is done mainly by native subordinates; and the real backbone of the despotism is not the officials but the Army. Given the Army, the officials and the business men can rub along safely enough even if they are fools. And most of them are fools. A dull, decent people, cherishing and fortifying their dullness behind a quarter of a million bayonets. (end p. 69)

p. 70
Time passed, and each year Flory found himself less at home in the world of the sahibs, more liable to get into trouble when he talked seriously on any subject whatever. So he had learned to live inwardly, secretly, in books and secret thoughts that could not be uttered. Even his talks with the doctor were a kind of talking to himself; for the doctor, good man, understood little of what was said to him. But it is a corrupting thing to live one’s real life in secret. One should live with the stream of life, not against it.

p. 73
It is not the less bitter because it is perhaps one’s own fault, to see oneself drifting, rotting, in dishonour and horrible futility, and all the while knowing that somewhere within one there is the possibility of a decent human being.

p. 85
When one does get any credit in this life, it is usually for something that one has not done.

p. 117
When you have existed to the brink of middle age in bitter loneliness, among people to whom your true opinion on every subject on earth is blasphemy, the need to talk is the greatest of all needs.

Like all men who have lived much alone, he adjusted himself better to ideas than to people.

p. 119
“Take the world as a whole, it’s an eccentricity to be white.”

p. 135
The point was, was the doctor the kind of man who would hold seditious opinions? In India you are not judged for what you do, but for what you are.

p. 137
Policemen and magistrates are natural enemies.”

p. 139
“Good gracious, woman, what idea have you got hold of now? You do not suppose that I am rebelling against the Government? I—a Government servant of thirty years’ standing! Good heavens, no! I said that I had started the rebellion, not that I was taking part in it. It is these fools of villagers who are going to risk their skins, not I. No one dreams that I have anything to do with it, or ever will, except Ba Sein and one or two others.”

p. 147
“Our motto, you know is, ‘In India, do as the English do.’”

p. 151
Her presence had changed the whole orbit of his mind.

p. 167
She was conscious of an extraordinary desire to fling her arms round Flory’s neck and kiss him; and in some way it was the killing of the pigeon that made her feel this.

p. 176
It is strange how the drivelling habits of conversation will persist into almost all moments.

p. 179
Blessed are they who are stricken only with classifiable diseases!

p. 183
One cannot propose marriage immediately after an earthquake.

p. 201
It is always so with titled people, they are either adored or hated. If they accept one it is charming simplicity, if they ignore one is it loathsome snobbishness; there are no half-measures.

p. 203
Of course, like all sons of rich families, he thought poverty disgusting and that poor people are poor because they prefer disgusting habits.

p. 220
It is dreadful when people will not even have the decency to quarrel.

p. 227
Envy is a horrible thing. It is unlike all other kinds of suffering in that there is no disguising it, no elevating it into tragedy. It is more than merely painful, it is disgusting.

p. 238
Eight hundred people, possibly, are murdered every year in Burma; they matter nothing; but the murder of a white man is a monstrosity, a sacrilege.

p. 240
“Well, for God’s sake get them to talk this time. Never mind the bloody law. Whack it out of them. Torture them—anything. If you want to bribe any witnesses, I’m good for a couple of hundred chips.”
Westfield sighed. “Can’t do that sort of thing, I’m afraid. Wish we could. My chap’s know how to put the screw on a witness if you gave ‘em the word. Tie ‘em down on an ant-hill. Red peppers. But that won’t do nowadays. Got to keep our own bloody silly laws.”

p. 241
“...The good old Germans! They knew how to treat the niggers. Reprisals! Rhinoceros hide whips! Raid their villages, kill their cattle, burn their crops, decimate them, blow them from the guns.”

p. 249
[Flory] always found it difficult to believe that Orientals could be really dangerous.

p. 260
There is seldom any talk of rebellion after the rains have started—the Burmans are too busy ploughing, and in any case the waterlogged fields are impassable for large bodies of men. (9/11-->August is not the time to introduce new products)
* * *
There is a humility about genuine love that is rather horrible in some ways.

Friday, March 09, 2007

ALSO

You Might Be a Unicorn If
by Elizabeth Allen

Your favorite color is sparkle.
Your family reunion consists of both horses and narwhals.
Your best friend is Rainbow Brite.

Lisa Frank is Rolling in Her Grave...Unless She's Not Dead...?


These are reprinted electronically without permission from the excellent Mountain Man Dance Moves: the McSweeney's Book of Lists, by the Editors of McSweeney's. These are some of my recent favourites. Ah, the unicorns.

Unsuitable Code Names for U.S. Military Operations
by Jim Stallard

Swan Song
Ringworm
Reckless Impulse
Desert Sieve
Shareholder Meeting
Awkward Silence
Iraqi Freedom


Highlights of the First 100 Days of a Unicorn Presidency
by Margaret O'Leary

Universal health care
Simplification of tax code
Cancellation of stealth bomber program
Overhaul of campaign finance regulations
New laws to protect ancient forests
White House redecorated to look like eight-year-old girl's bedroom

Places You're Likely to Find a Unicorn
by Patrick Cassels

The time before time
The Third Age
Where Pan doth play his pipes
Realms of wizardry, necromancy, and general enchantment
New Zealand
Trapper Keepers

***That last one is a total nod to Napoleon Dynamite, ¿no?

Thursday, March 08, 2007

The Gallery of Regrettable Food




This VERY disgusting picture came from a VERY awesome website called "The Gallery of Regrettable Food." You can find it at: http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/index.html . It ROCKS! My friend who works in Reference at the UofL's Ekstrom library--we'll call her KB--pointed the site out to me after I went to show her my excellent "Housewives Tarot" deck. Thomas gifted these to me, knowing full well how perfect they were for me when he saw them at Barnes & Noble. I can't decide which is my favourite card: it's either the Hierophant, Death, Judgment or the High Priestess. I'll post pictures later. The website for the cards can be viewed here: http://www.housewivestarot.com/

Anyhoo, KB told me about the Gallery of Regrettable Food, which I highly recommend you all check out. It is hiLARious, chock full of pages from old cookbooks and food ads from the 1930s, 40s, 50s, 60s and even 70s. There are some especially ugly recipes involving gelatin products. Ewwww. Opaque jell-o: who thought that was a good idea? Anyway, all the bad food ideas and crimes of the last century are dutifully recounted and made fun of on this excellent and funny website.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Kill the Beast

You scored as The Beast. Your alter ego is The Beast! But that is only a name... you are kind hearted and sweet, people just misunderstand you.





Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?

created with QuizFarm.com

The Beast

100%

Cinderella

100%

Peter Pan

88%

Ariel

88%

Goofy

88%

Sleeping Beauty

81%

Donald Duck

81%

Snow White

63%

Pinocchio

38%

Cruella De Ville

31%

Maximus rules

You scored as Maximus.

After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him.



Maximus

83%

Indiana Jones

79%

Captain Jack Sparrow

79%

The Amazing Spider-Man

75%

El Zorro

75%

Lara Croft

71%

Batman, the Dark Knight

63%

Neo, the "One"

58%

The Terminator

54%

William Wallace

50%

James Bond, Agent 007

50%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

La pura vida

Today, Clare, you are motivated by the irresistible need of changes. You want to rebel against the very foundations of your life. Your entourage might not appreciate this frame of mind and you might even feel that they are moving away from you. Anyhow, don't be afraid to go beyond the boundaries of your normal life today.

I really like these horoscopes! They are useful and usually right on target! They seem to be honest and don't just pander to ideas of wish-fulfillment. The website I receive them from is www.astrocenter.com, and I highly recommend it. I certainly don't live my life by horoscopes, but I do find it helpful to meditate upon a particular theme each day; it's something to focus on and be mindful of in my interactions with others and with the world. Anyhoo--if that kind of thing rows your canoe.

Yesterday I had my advising appointment with Luke to discuss my academic calendar for next semester, and through graduation. He suggested that I go ahead and declare my second (anthropology) major. He reserved my spot in two Honors seminars: Classical Archaeology of Greece and Rome with Dr. Hale, who is AMAZINGLY COOL (he also does underwater archaeology and is famous for, among other things, his research at the Oracle of Delphi which proved that the priestess/spiritual medium was totally high on cave fumes when she communicated her revelations, which is, by the way, not to invalidate them, because having spiritual experiences while on drugs doesn't make them any less real, I believe), and the seminar on Urban Waters which is part of a larger collaboration between Metro Louisville and the Honors Program to increase environmental education and change in Louisville. Another one of the seminars in that series will help to plan a new park in Louisville! and another one will deal will the geo-political problems in environmental study. There are a few others, but those were the most interesting to me. Urban Waters will look at water quality in Metro Louisville through direct observation, meaning we will canoe on ALL the streams in Jefferson County, of which there are 790! I'm really looking forward to it.

After my advising appointment Luke lent me his "best of 2006" compilation, which I copied into my iTunes. He called it "2006: The Year of Balls!" which is a little nod to marriedtothesea.org (see picture below). It's a fantastic collection of songs; among my favourites, right off the bat, are:

"Store Bought Bones" by the Raconteurs
"UMO" by this crazy Japanese girl band called OOIOO
"Jenny Again" by Tunng
"We Are the Sleepyheads" by Belle & Sebastian
"Young Folks" by Peter, Bjorn and John
"Daydreamin'" by Lupe Fiasco featuring Jill Scott

But ALL the music is SO GOOD. Ahhhh.... Good music. It's been a long time since I made any effort to listen to music. I have missed it. Thomas has been playing a bit o' Bowie lately, which has been lovely, and I've been listening to some Dead Prez and Regina Spektor and Caetano Veloso, but not enough. NOT. ENOUGH. Must have more music. Music = happy. Music = strength and energy to greet the day. I forget that sometimes because I get so focused on NPR and keeping up with current events. *sigh*... one must 'un-plug' a little with some regularity, or one wilts.


Married To The Sea
marriedtothesea.com

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Hijo de puta -- Ayyyyy.....

Definiciones de la jerga:

"tal por cual" : Locución eufemística usada como insulto equivalente a hijo de puta. Existía ya con este valor en el español clásico y hoy pervive sobre todo en el español americano: «Ojalá no hubiera jamás otro tarado tal por cual que apareciera en su vida» (Azuela Casa [Méx. 1983]); «Ese tal por cual tenía las de quico y caco, no sería nada extraño que resucitase cada vez que él lo asesinara» (Aguilera Pelota [Ec. 1988]); «¡A la mierda mandé a una tal por cual que se me arrejuntó y resultó encinta!» (Asturias Hombres [Guat. 1949-53]).

The explanation in English: "tal por cual" means the same as "hijo de puta," although slightly less offensively (possibly...?). In any case, it's not something you'd say to someone you wanted to remain friendly with.... Oh, yeah; "hijo de puta" literally means "son of a bitch."

Good times. Also, I am pleased to announce that Honors Student Council has its website up and running! Finally! Please check it out:

www.louisville.edu/rso/honors

Happy slanging! (oh, and also: "la jerga" is Spanish for "slang")

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Seeker

My horoscope du jour:

A creative project of some kind might render it necessary for you to dig into obscure sources in order to secure some information that isn't easily found. You might feel as if you're playing detective! Whatever it is you seek to learn today, Clare, you're probably going to find it. Your mind is especially sharp right now, you're particularly curious, and you have the ingenuity to make the best of use of what you find.

I really like this horoscope. This is a theme that I have been meditating upon a lot lately, as my studies bring into sharper and sharper focus my priorities. The more Anthropology I study, and the more I immerse myself in the intellectual life of the campus and myself, the more grounded and confident I feel. The importance of learning, of thinking, of realizing is becoming more and more evident; I know that thinking and learning are what I want to do with my life. And I think the best way to accomplish this is to teach. One learns by teaching, by explaining and talking through and reconsidering and listening and observing. I want to do this. I do do this; but I want to get paid for it. :) So I will teach.

I have a biological anthropology test today (woohoo; we're related to apes. Whoop-dee-do). I have little passion for this branch of anthropology, but it heartens me to realize that it is certainly not beyond me. In fact, my professor said that there are opportunities to do research in the field at UofL, specifically looking at cytokines and their role in autism and their genetic origins. Cool, eh?

I frequently want to post lists that I have read in McSweeney's Book of Lists, but I am intentionally staying away from it so as only to read school-related material. Amina Wadud is great and everything, but she's not nearly as funny as McSweeney's. Something about women's rights in Islam that doesn't have the same zing to it.... :)

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Rumi is the man

I got the coolest Valentine's Day present ever! McSweeney's Book of Lists: Mountain Man Dance Moves! Woo hoo! As well, I received a BEAUTIFUL box of Godiva chocolates (must hide them before the kids get home). And so for Valentine's Day, I leave you with this:


“In your light I learn how to love.
In your beauty, how to make poems.
You dance inside my chest,
where no one sees you.”

- Jalal al-Din Rumi

Monday, February 12, 2007

another Tarc musing

Thoughts I hope to develop more as the year goes on...

What I like about anthropology:

It takes as its data and evidence specific instances, informal occasions, particular people and moments, and other very specific, non-‘official’ phenomena. The implication is that these sub-official phenomena are just as important and valid in the construction or experience of reality (‘the truth’) as are more ‘mundane’ or ‘traditional’ kinds of scientific data, as in those produced by scientists (natural and social) who are supported by large financial sources, honoured (a.k.a. privileged) institutions and other structures of prestige/officiality. It makes sense to me that individual experience has truth in it as much as other kinds of data. It is part of the observable world. But can it be replicated? (This is a main criterion for what constitutes valid ‘scientific’ data.) Of course it could be, if a person and his/her exact life path could be replicated in exactly the same way. (This is, obviously, not possible at this point in our technology, nor would it be necessarily desirable.)

Why does more distance = more truth? I feel it ought to be more like

more vantage points = more truth, or perhaps

more dynamism = more truth.

I think anthropology makes room for this viewpoint—this way of knowing, of evaluating—more than any other discipline. And although there is a large strain of mechanistic thinking (which is useful within its scope, as with other conventional ‘sciences’), by far anthropology is the most self-aware and inclusive scientific discipline.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Reminder: Do Not Be an Ass

This is my horoscope for the day, but I think it's more like a life-long meditation:

Your words may get you into trouble today, Clare, so be careful of what you say. Try to keep a lid on hasty comments that are spurred by intense emotions. These comments may come out the wrong way and be used against you at a later time. Bring your cheerful disposition to the group, and leave your stubborn attitude at home. Goals and discipline are apt to be major themes for the day.

Hmmm... The quintessential picture of Clare: foot in mouth.


Today I am going to be extra-careful to be (1) prudent with words, (2) cheerful, and (3) not stubborn.

This may be a challenge....

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

written last week.

My life has been knee-jerk--
automatic respones to
questions I was capable of thinking through
myself

Pavlov's dog of a decision-maker (decider)
¿Was it the chicken of self-doubt
or the egg of overwhelmedness
that came first?


I can think
I can decide
I can take time
--keep time
--live outside time, even
I don't have to pressure myself
I CAN do it
I can think
I can live a better way

Sunday, February 04, 2007

The Colts are a veinteno better than the Bears

Spanish word of the Day: veinteno, veintena:

adj. num. ord. Que ocupa el número veinte en una serie ordenada de elementos, vigésimo: llegó a la meta el veinteno corredor.

También pron. f. Conjunto formado por veinte unidades: el carrete tiene una veintena de metros.

English translation: veinteno = a score, as in a set of 20 (from Spanish 'veinte' = 'twenty')

Oh, and by the way....

GO COLTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, January 26, 2007

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Cold War

By chance on YouTube I came across this video which put images to the audio track of JFK's speech to the American Newspaper Publisher's Association in 1961. The speech addresses the topic of freedom of speech in times of war. Below is what I consider the most interesting excerpt:

"We [The United States] are opposed around the world by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy that relies primarily on covert means for expanding its sphere of influence--on infiltration instead of invasion, on subversion instead of elections, on intimidation instead of free choice, on guerrillas by night instead of armies by day. It is a system which has conscripted vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly knit, highly efficient machine that combines military, diplomatic, intelligence, economic, scientific and political operations.
Its preparations are concealed, not published. Its mistakes are buried, not headlined. Its dissenters are silenced, not praised. No expenditure is questioned, no rumor is printed, no secret is revealed."

Right. Here JFK is painting a picture of the Soviet Union and its approach to world influence. What strikes me is the similarity between his characterization of the Russians in the 1950s and 1960s (which he contrasted to the United States, who allegedly value freedom of speech, the rule of law, and "a fair fight") and the currrent overt and covert policies propegated by the United States federal government under the Bush II administration (as well as in previous administrations: Clinton, Bush I, Reagan, Carter for example). When I heard him draw this picture of global influence, I immediately thought of our own imperialist and colonialist campaigns to rape, raze and divide "strategic" parts of the globe. We burn both ends of the candle now: we invade AND infiltrate, we subvert AND elect, we conceal AND publish, we headline AND bury, in this country and abroad. You see, one must have a DISinformation campaign as much as an information campaign, if one plans to acheive and maintian global hegemony.

In a related note, Noriega is getting out of prison. For the extended version of the story, look here: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/01/25/ap/national/mainD8MS1TDG0.shtml

Oh, and P.S.: If you want the full text of Kennedy's speech, go here: http://www.jfklibrary.org/Historical+Resources/Archives/Reference+Desk/Speeches/JFK/003POF03NewspaperPublishers04271961.htm
or better yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlEqtaWpKEU&mode=related&search=

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Straw Hat

Check out the new Mark Twain quote I came across in a chapter I was reading for biological anthropology. It's in the left-hand column under the section "Quotes favoritos."

Also, this is how I am today:

"grasping at straws"

1. trying to find reasons to feel hopeful about a bad situation.

2. trying to find some way to succeed when nothing you choose is likely to work.

from http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/grasping+at+straws

yep.

Monday, January 22, 2007

My Latin roots are showing

indigene |ˈindiˌjēn| noun an indigenous person. ORIGIN late 16th cent.: from French indigène, from Latin indigena, from indi- (strengthened form of in- ‘into’ ) + an element related to gignere ‘beget.’

So an indigenous person is literally "in-begotten" or "in-bred"??? That's not very nice.

This is a way in which etymology can be a bitch.

not CON, but PRO

provenience: |prəˈvinyəns| noun another term for provenance .
provenance: |ˈprävənəns| noun the place of origin or earliest known history of something : an orange rug of Iranian provenance. • the beginning of something's existence; something's origin : they try to understand the whole universe, its provenance and fate. See note at origin . • a record of ownership of a work of art or an antique, used as a guide to authenticity or quality : the manuscript has a distinguished provenance. ORIGIN late 18th cent.: from French, from the verb provenir ‘come or stem from,’ from Latin provenire, from pro- ‘forth’ + venire ‘come.’

compliments of Apple Dictionary 2005

I read the word 'provenience' in my Archaeoloogy textbook and was like, "WTF, mate?" So I happily searched for it in the dictionary. Aren't dictionaries fantastic?

Sunday, January 21, 2007

To call me vituperative is perhaps correct; to call me 'despiste', even more so.

Spanish word of the day: despiste - (from despistar) noun 1. as a quality: absent-mindedness; 2. slip-up, error. As in, "That was quite a despiste, calling him by his nickname!" (¡Menudo despiste llamarle por so apodo!) --compliments of wordreference.com

English word of the day: vituperative - adj.: scathing; marked by harshly abusive criticism; As in, "his scathing remarks about silly lady novelists"; "her vituperative railing" --compliments of wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

Haven't done words of the day in quite some time. The Spanish word is one I just learned, in a meandering, accidental kind of way; the English word is the first one that came to mind. Hmmm....

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Less gas, more peace

I got a lovely and inspiring Christmas present from my best reina, Elizabeth: a holographic Batman on the cover of a lined journal, which continues the Batman theme inside with occasional phrases and pictures. It's fantastically fun; Elizabeth told me she purchased it at the Strand in NYC (http://www.strandbooks.com/home/), a trip about which she recently wrote in her own blog, A Room Full of Books (http://aroomfullofbooks.blogspot.com/2006/12/selling-pencils-in-hanoi.html).

I say it was inspiring because it's exactly the sort of thing I should have bought myself--but didn't have the good sense to--in order to help me out of my slumping self-pity and malaise. The first thing I wrote in it is a pathetic string of words I dare not even name a "poem", and which will never see the light of day. I might even paste something over top of it, just to make sure no one reads it, biggest absolute slaughter of a piece of writing that ever there was. The second reflection I put down Wednesday morning in shaky handwriting on the bus as it bumped along through the Highlands on the way to campus. I thought this little entry was worth making electronic (oh, how we young'uns hypervalue our digital resources these days...).

17 Jan 2007 9:30am
I am on the 29 bus heading toward campus by way of St. Matthews and Cherokee Park. Riding the bus is one of my New Year's resolutions, which I took up when possible in order to use less gas and to help alleviate my feeling of guilt and responsibility over global warming and supporting the imperialist state. The practice is also helpful as an exercise in relinquishing control--one of my most difficult impediments to peace of mind and soul.

The time of my life when I was at my best (to date) was the two year period when I was able to refocus my irrational need to control into a productive way to balance myself. I did this through veganism, time alone, and church participation (especially prayer). Now I'm trying again, working my way back to the belief part of things, and just starting with NO SUGAR and little-to-no dairy or meat.

Phase 2 of the redirection of my control issues is, as I said, to take the bus. This forces me to slow down, have empty time, to plan ahead (time of transport, packing my lunch, thinking a day ahead), and to give my velocity over to someone else. This is the hardest and the most rewarding part of riding the bus; to let someone else take the wheel and get me from point A to point B is a daunting task because it requires faith and trust, two things scarce in my heart these days, being generally a person whose motto is something like, "If you want something done right, do it yourself."

So you can understand how I can be of two minds (or of divergent mind and heart) when the bus driver suddenly decides to idle at a random stop for 3 minutes, or when the driver turns off the engine and steps outside to inspect the side of the bus! My intellectual brain tells me, "You have two hours to get to campus/home. Chill out. Even if you're late, you're not going to cause any big upset by your tardiness, in the grand scheme of things. You have all the time in the world." This used to be a much more effective method of allaying my irrational fears and anxieties. It is harder than it used to be, however; it’s harder to choose that thread of thought over the fear-based brain that is simultaneously telling me, “WTF is that guy doing? I’m nowhere NEAR campus/home! I’m f***ed if I have to get out of the bus here. I’m going to be late! WHAT’S GOING ON? WHY’S THIS HAPPENING???!!!”

But it makes me worry less just to write that down, actually.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

i think i'm having a breakdown.

i think i am on some serious burnout. i have spent the last two plus years working SO HARD for everyone else that i have forgotten to take care of me. i have rotted from the inside out. i have become self-righteous, depressed, hurt, defensive, angry, hopeless.

i cannot be all things to all people. i must be good to myself.

this includes:
- exercising my body
- sleeping enough
- finishing school
- making money
- exercising my creative outlet
- engaging with the intellectual and creative world (in the form of museums, movies, concerts, shows, conversations, books)

i have become incapable of viewing myself objectively; of turning the eye inward; of being okay with humility, uncertainty, emptiness.

i have forgotten how to be empty.
how to live in the mystery, in the in-between
and how not to require it of others.
how can i demand understanding?
how can i even ask it when i am unwilling to participate in it myself?

how can i step back from this ledge?
how can i love myself?
how can i remember how to hold myself up to my own candle, and not the reflected candles of others falsely displayed and magnified in my own insecurities?

i must reteach myself
to know myself
so i can like myself again
and see possibilities again

to look at my life as a blessing and not a problem to solve.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Why one has to take 12 hours of a foreign language at the University of Louisville

"Those who know nothing of foreign languages know nothing of their own." Goethe

I just got this quote from the Facebook profile of a friend of mine, André, whom I met through my Spanish classes at the University. It is amazing how such a little sentence can speak to such a great portion of my heart. This is my mantra for anyone who wonders why s/he has to take "stupid 12 hours of a foreign language." Language is an amazing gift to humankind. It has the power to build civilizations--and to tear them apart. Language is the fundamental unit of our humanity; it is unique to our kind of all living things on earth. (Certainly, there is communication among all living things; and within specific groups--bees or dolphins or redwoods--there is a more specific kind of communication. But this must not be mistaken for language, for a formal system of finite rules and infinite possibilites, a generative quality than can only be understood and replicated and used by human beings.) It is part of this gift that we, as children, can load many different languages into our heads without the need of formal training. Learning to use language is as natural to (most of) us as learning to walk or to feed ourselves.

But this extraordinary miracle has a drawback: since we learn our first language(s) intuitively, we never have need of formally (abstractly, left-brainedly) understanding the system we are using. It only becomes necessary to understand language as a formal system when we must learn a second language. By the time we reach a mere 6 years of age, our brains have already rewired to the point that intuitive language learning has been severely diminished, and so we must learn language a different way. Instead of just hearing, repeating, and understanding, we must also read and write, memorize, diagram and list. These are all helpful in becoming comfortable navigating within the foreign language.

Because our brains have rewired and because we read and write, we can also use these tools to re-examine our own lengua materna. It is in dissecting a second language that we can see how to do it to our own language; and when we do this, we become better speakers, better writers, better communicators in our first language. As well, we can come to understand, in a larger sense, that since there are many languages--many systems--there are furthermore many ways of expressing a thought, each unique and essentially untranslatable. We can also, most importantly, understand that language is a SYMBOLIC SYSTEM, and understanding its structure can extend to our understanding not only of other languages but also of other symbolic systems such as music or mathematics. Through initiating and then deepening our understanding of a foreign language (or multiple foreign languages) we have the ability to tame our first language as well as to open the door in our minds to greater understanding of the intangible systems that compose our universe.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Three and a half babies

I had a dream last night, very vivid... I dreamt of travelling, and I was in Africa. I was at the base of a mountain, in a clearing. It was a sunny, warm winter day. I witnessed a wild, dark brown, shiny horse in the throes of labor, and she finally, explosively, gave birth to a foal. Then she ran off as if spooked, or in a hurry. I searched to see if the foal followed her in the trail of dust she kicked up in running, but I couldn't see the foal. I feared she hadn't made it. I can't remember for sure if I finally found the foal or not.

Shortly thereafter I witnessed an elephant giving birth as well, in the same clearing, in the same place. Her birth was slower and seemed more comfortable--not like the wild and writhing foal's birth. Also, while the wold horse gave birth in the sunlight, the elephant was slightly closer to me in the clearing, in the shade of a tree, although it was still plainly daylight. After the baby elephant was born, she and her mother sauntered off together. They seemed private and shy.

I then witnessed a rhinoceros give birth. Her body completely contorted, expanded, and contracted again as her baby emerged. When the baby was out, she seemed to be the mother's twin. They departed, intertwined souls, together.

Finally, after the three intense birth experiences I saw at the foot of the mountain, I found myself suddenly inside a midnight blue hospital room with three women lined up in beds against the wall, close together. One of them was Oprah, and she was also having a baby. She was in labor, and was covering and uncovering her head with a hospital gown. It looked sort of like a burkah. She seemed uncomfortable, but not uncontrollably so. She was still smiling, but she wasn't speaking. Kirstie Alley was in the bed beside her, writhing and whining and complaining.

Then I woke up.

Twas a three birth night. Wonder what it means?

Friday, November 24, 2006

What will those crazy techies think up next?

This is one of the crazier things I've seen lately. Every time I think I can sort of envision the path technology will take, my inklings are completely blown out of the water! I am totally amazed by this. Check it out:

http://www.vonage.com/vonagevphone/#

I think traditional land line phones will be virtually extinct in the next 50 years. We have already eliminated public land line pay phones. Many people use their cell phone as their main personal line--and quite a few of them don't even have a landline in addition to their cell. Most larger companies and institutions have inegrated their phone systems with their internet systems, and they all have DSL. USB online phones seem like the next logical step for the consumer...

Although, all this switch to high-speed info makes the necessity of more fiber optic cable laying an absolute necessity. How are we to manage the increased traffic and utilization of this fantastic technology without supporting it with more infrastructure?

Anyhoo. How cool is Vonage?

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Why I'm Thankful

1. My family
2. School
3. People who care
4. Love
5. Holy people
6. Hybrid cars
7. Tofurkey
8. Christmas
9. Intelligence
10. Human communion
11. Scientists
12. Public Radio
13. Artists
14. Anthropology
15. Music
16. Animals
17. Gardens
18. The sky
19. Travel
20. Friends
21. Books
22. Humour
23. Miracles
24. Popular uprising
25. YouTube

Besides number 1, which is obviously most important, numbers 2 - 25 are in no particular order. I couldn't possibly order them; they are all essential, and essential to my life. For all these things (and many more), I am reminded to give thanks especially on this day.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

PS. You will perhaps note that I posted a new quote on the left column, under "Quotes Favoritos". Here it is again, just in case you missed it:

"The world in which you were born is just one model of reality. Other cultures are not failed attempts at being you. They are unique manifestations of the human spirit." - Wade Davis (anthropologist and ethnobotanist)

I also added a new favourite link, "Seasoned in Hell." It is the blog of my husband, and I highly encourage you to read it, as it's quite well-written and thoughtful. (Not that I'm in any way biased, mind you.) Right then. See you!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Breastfeeding International Icon

Vote for your favourite international (universal) icon for breastfeeding. Mothering Magazine is holding this contest. Check it out!
This is the abstract of the contest: http://www.mothering.com/sections/action_alerts/icon-contest.html


View MicroPoll
Web Survey

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Dia de los Muertos / Day of the Dead

I haven't been around much in the month of October, but here are some recent pictures. Día de los Muertos was today, and I built two altares; one to Elvis, and one to Santiago de Compostela. We showed them at the Day of the Dead celebration on campus today. It was great fun, apparently, but I missed all but set-up and take-down, since I had to study for a test, take a test, and attend a class. But I digress.

Here are a few pics.




Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Dostoevsky

This is the first draft of a poem I wrote this morning while reading Anthropology homework and thinking about why I act the way I do. Post comments and tell me what you think (and what you think needs changing).

working title:
Approaching whole mind

from my mother, the gift of candid speech
of laying one’s heart at the feet of another
and trusting that they will pick it up, hold it, and hand it back
rather than step on it and squish it to oblivion.

from my father, the gift of rhetoric
of building an argument
of clarity of logic, thought expressed eloquently
of the ability to turn heads with words.

I married them: the heart and the head
And I use the tools of each one (of each hemisphere)
I build towers of logic and gardens of feeling
With my mother’s purity and my father’s strength.

In the words I speak, and in the ones I write
I look for the hem of the line, the body callosum
Where the fabric of feeling and the fabric of reason
Are met, and marry and intertwine.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Ireland, ourstyle




The following pictures are:
Thomas and me at the Clonakilty Post Office, which is inside a former church. The people of Clonakilty are pretty sure that theirs is the only post office in the world that is housed in a former church. It's quite interesting; a beautiful old church building, which on the inside has a queue and plexiglass with tellers behind it, and a drop box!





Thomas with a bust of Barry McGovern as Vladimir from Waiting for Godot, taken on our visit to the Dublin Writers Museum.







Us with Nick Harper! Holy Cheese. We gave him a present, which he wore the night he played with his dad. We felt very honoured. The gift was a T-shirt with an Alex Ross painting on it of George Bush as a vampire, sucking the neck of the Statue of Liberty. tee hee. (pictured here)







.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Glocality

I'm feeling very technologically interconnected at the moment. I'm sitting in locally owned Sunergos Coffee on Preston (full o' people right now, by the way--cheers to college kids and Christians, the principal occupants of said shop!). It's 10:15 in the ayem, and I'm using my trusty little Apple iBook, mooching Sunergos' electricity to power the thing, sipping Guatemalan blend coffee, listening to someone else's music library on iTunes--someone who must also be in the coffeeshop. There is a band in their collection called the Appleseed Cast, and they are pretty supercool. (Like, I think I'll buy an album kind of cool.) Meantime, I'm reading Elizabeth's blog all the way from Boston and simultaneously chatting with folks on campus and around the country through Gmail and Facebook.

How glocal! (as in global and local at the same time.... It's an anthropology/economics term I learned. Doesn't roll off the tongue well, but it's linguistically interesting).

It all seemed so 21st century to me... and I mean that in a futuristic sense. Sometimes the feeling of living in the future now comes upon me with overwhelming clarity. Timelines, notions of "progress" and "civilization," fold and compress before me, around me, and I get a glimpse of what it must have been like to be Philip K. Dick. In the book VALIS he posits that time actually ended in 79 AD and that this 'modern' world is laid over it, and obscures that reality. I don't subscribe to that particular manifestation of the notion that time is illusory, but I do believe in that general idea. Time as an external, measured and measurable reality is a false notion. Time exists insofar as we create it and then observe (and obey) our creation, but it doesn't exist in some Platonic, empirical, objective, progressive kind of way. And all this intellectual theorizing is tangible for me when I have these moments of supreme surreality, when facets of what we in this culture, day and age call "reality" bends, shifts, or disappears completely, and one can see the pattern of all of it. I guess it sounds a bit like the Matrix, eh? But it is what I experience.

Sometimes I can look through this hazy distracting veil of habit and structure and have these peircing moments of true clarity, when I can see the world full-on, not sideways or peripherally. It's breathtaking, and exhiliarating, and terrible.

So, enough of that. I hope you're all keeping up with Elizabeth's blog, A Room Full of Books , because it is hilarious, and poignant, and insightful, and lovely. Please do yourselves a favor and read it.

And speaking of blogs, sorry I've not been 'round much. The semester is eating me from the outside in. I'm holding off the attacks for now, but it has been disheartening and frustrating and draining in many ways. In equally many ways it's been a grand and worthwhile adventure, full of new and fascinating people, places, ideas, experience and feelings. In all ways it has been taxing. I look forward to rest and press on to the next project.

P.S. I have asked Jimmy and Thomas if I may post pictures of them from the Ireland trip, and they are fine with it, so expect more Ireland pictures SOON! Love and learning to each of you.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Autumn becomes me

Hace casi un mes que no estoy aquí en la red, en la blog. I haven't been on my blog in almost one month. And what a month! I had some pretty desperate moments of wanting to drop out of school as I attempted to negotiate my time, balancing between three executive boards, classes, work, and home--what with Thomas being ill and all. But he's on the mend now, happy to say. It was a long six weeks, worrying about him and having the added stress of a sick husband. And I am quite enjoying my semester, although I often think I have more to do than is possible to do in 24 hour days. C'est la vie.

In any case, I didn't come on here tonight to write about any mundane goings-on; rather, I wanted to post a poem I wrote a few weeks back when I had been mentally railing against the ridiculous Louisville weather as I drove home on a particularly sticky evening. I watched the sky turn from bright blue to pink and orange, not able to enjoy the colours for the heat. The beauty of the sunset was pushed back from my consciousness, as if I were appreciating a painting through a periscope, though, and I suddenly realized as I felt the heat and all the people enjoying it, how futile it was for me to pretend that hot weather is a thing I enjoy. I also realized, in a moment, how silly it is, more generally, to consider the weather we have in Louisville between May and September to be the thing called "summer"; it is not. Furthermore, it is an implied lament that I don't leave in a place where September is more autumn than summer. To have the stifling heat of the summer survive into September... it's just not fair. This poem is an expressed feeling about what a Louisville autumn really is: a disgustingly unpleasant period of time, free from breezes, cool rains, pleasant smells, or shade. It's hot and oppressive and dangerous and exhausting. And silly. So here it is.

Kentucky's Ohio

and what is autumn
anyway
in this stygian pocket
of the river’s ridge
the heat and damp
swallowing the spine of
this twisted river body.
We’re tucked in:
Ken-tucked
in this Ohio Valley summer
where the moisture hangs
and the mosquitoes multiply.

Is it October yet?

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Facebook innovates again

Clare Gervasi Kalb's Facebook profile

I wanted to see if this would work. It's a Facebook "badge." Not sure exactly how it will be useful to me, but I was curious to see what happened. Hmmm.... Curiouser and curiouser.

¡Qué maravilla el internet!

In other news, the first two days of school are enjoyable thus far. I've only had one actual class so far, but have been keeping quite busy with Honors Student Council. I am looking forward to posting more pics from Ireland, but in the meantime I am feeling more placid than last semester, trying to be more organized and hopeful. This plan is going well so far; for instance, I have planned out all the dinner meals for the week. Yesterday was pesto pasta, the day before was beef stew, and tonight will be polenta cakes. I have revoked my veganism and feel quite good about it. My body feels more grounded, in a good way. Nourished, not schizophrenic. We'll see how it goes.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Overseas and into the heart

I've just come back down after an exhiliarating (and sometimes tense) vacation. Ireland for a week was amazing. The absolute best vacation ever. It felt so good to travel with my husband, to brbing together my love of travel with my true love. We stayed mostly in County Cork, and a few days in Dublin. I'll hopefully post a more detailed account of the trip, but for now, here's a picture or two of some of my favourite things on the trip.


a pretty cottage on Clonakilty Bay, West Cork.











me, taking advantage of a photo op at the Clonakilty Model Railway Village.












Nick Harper, playing his show at deBarra's Folk Club in Clonakilty, August 2nd. It was a spiritual experience....












This is a sheela-na-gig on the side of a 16th century castle. Sheelas were pagan goddesses carved into the sides of churches and castles to protect them from invaders. These sheelas were hags, or wisewomen, with hideous faces, who exposed their genitals, the source of their protective power.
















:)